Tag Archives: ஜோக்ஸ்

• Today on Wall Street, there are only 2 positions:

“Cash”…and “Fetal”

• Q. What’s the capital of Iceland?

A. About $3.50

• “I went to buy a toaster — they threw in a free Bank!”
• Q: In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker?

A: Say, “Hey, waiter!”

• Q. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?

A. A good start.

• Q. What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?

A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.

• “This Financial Crisis is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”
• “Get my broker, Miss Jones.”

“Yes sir. Stock, or Pawn?”

• Q. How do you get a broker down from a tree?

A. Cut the rope.

• Q: What’s the definition of optimism?

A: An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

• ”President Bush’s response to this economic crisis was to meet with some small business owners at a soda shop in San Antonio, Texas, this week”

”Well, the bad news? The small business owners are now General Motors, General Electric, and Century 21.”

• What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari. Box: New Terms for the 2008 market

• CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
• BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
• BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
• VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
• P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• BROKER — What my broker has made me.
• STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
• STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
• STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
• MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
• CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
• WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
• PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.